Understand Your Emotional Footprint and How It Impacts You At Work.

Copyright (c) 2010 Natalie Michael

If you are struggling in your executive role, there may be a connection to your present work circumstances and lessons you learned in your family. Consider Bob. Bob is a senior executive who recently received feedback that although he gets good results and is great in a crisis he needs to work at building relationships. It seems like he has a stone wall around him, and it impacts how people feel around him. They don't feel comfortable and he is hard to get to know. Because of this, he is not invited to everything he should be and there is a lack of loyalty on his team.

When you consider Bob's family dynamics growing up, this feedback makes sense. Bob grew up with an alcoholic mother. As a result of his upbringing (which wasn't much fun), he learned that one way to get through each day was to deny his feelings. He got particularly good at squashing down feelings of vulnerability, and he learned that when he felt a strong emotion, it was best to keep it hidden. His child brain concluded: "I feel hurt by you, and I am scared of what you might do, but I am not going to say anything because there is no point. Nothing gets resolved in our family anyway."

As Bob progressed in his career, he started to build a persona of being "in control." He was great in a crisis, but in his day to day interactions, he still had an emotional wall up. It was hard to relate to him. Do you think Bob felt fulfilled at work? No way! It was a lot of work for Bob to keep that wall up and it was draining to be in control and to be afraid of being personally exposed. But, not only was he unfulfilled, he was not as effective. The higher he climbed the corporate ladder, the more important relationships and influence became. He struggled with this beyond a superficial level.

If you are like Bob and you recently received some feedback that threw you off, or that you intuitively know is rooted in something deeply personal from your past, it may be time to take stock of your life and decode your family. By doing so you can turn life lessons and unproductive beliefs into lasting wisdom that benefits you, rather than holds you back. One way to do this is to write your life autobiography, starting with your grandparents all the way up to the present day. Do it as a free for all exercise and write with no restrictions, or guidelines. Just see what comes up. If you do this, you will find that that you will write about those incidences in your life that hold significance and meaning for you, the stories that ultimately shaped you.

After writing, go back and analyze your work. Like a scientist decoding research data, pay close attention to lessons learned about career fulfillment, relationships, vulnerability, and taking risks. Also look for patterns - situations that have similar characteristics and happen repeatedly. By doing this, you will start to uncover your mental map, the map that you bring into every interaction in your executive role, and you will uncover "hook situations" - situations that hook you in and trigger your unproductive self - the part of you that operates from the place of self-protecting and survival, rather than your best self that is open, authentic, and engaging with others.

By uncovering your footprint, you can start to put a plan together for moving forward, one that breaks unproductive patterns in your life and moves you closer to relationships and a career that is deeply fulfilling and leads to lasting success. Changing your emotional footprint starts with self-awareness and it involves catching yourself when you are emotionally triggered and reprogramming your emotional wiring.


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Natalie Michael, MA, CPCC, is an Executive Coach and Succession Management Consultant in Vancouver Canada. She has spent years understanding her emotional footprint and how it impacts her at work. For a free introductory coaching session, please contact Natalie at http:www.karmichaelgroup.com